She's not my mommy...

I'm coming up on the one-year mark at my job as a nanny. It's a very unique job, one that comes with a unique set of rewards and stresses. Over the past year, I've struggled quite a bit with many of those stresses.

I think my biggest issue is that, while I am practically raising these kids, they are not mine, and I have little say in how I raise them. I am not their mother, and I do not choose what they eat, wear, or do. It is difficult to do something that comes so naturally to me, but not do it the way that feels right to me.

The kids are alive, happy, and healthy, but nearly every day, one of the parents reminds me of something I'm not doing right. One day last week, I let the kids watch Monsters vs. Aliens. They were in a cuddly, movie kind of mood, and it was enjoyable. Today, I arrive to work with a new rule: no movies except on "special occasions." Is a cuddly mood a special occasion? I'm not sure. I do know that the kids are smart and fit, and if they were mine, I would think nothing of a movie once a week. But now I'm second-guessing myself and feeling guilty over something that I don't think is wrong.

I imagine there is always somewhat of a power struggle between parents and nannies. The parents have chosen careers over staying home and raising their children, and they have hired an outsider to come in and take care of the kids for them. That, in and of itself, is an odd arrangement, but it makes sense. If no one hired people to raise their kids, we'd either have no professionals or no kids. Bad plan.

However, I bet the parents feel guilty. They feel that they are not providing enough love, attention, and affection to their kids. They feel bad when the nanny walks in every morning and the kids go hug her. They don't want to lose their kids' love. But they need their income, and they need to get out and do something "grown-up."

So, to make up for that guilt, they make rules. They make sure that they are involved in the raising of the kids, by leaving two-page lists of rules every once in a while. They remind the nanny, subtly, that they are the parents, and what they say goes. The nanny is put in her place.

All of this is reversed for the nanny. She is spending more waking hours with the kids than the parents are every week, but they are not hers. They do love the parents more. They tell her, every so often, how much they miss their parents. Sure, they love her, too, but she's definitely the runner-up. She invests her time and energy into them, and they run to the door when they hear their parents' cars in the driveway. She knows that, one day, she will not be needed any more. That she may not be at their high school graduations, their weddings, the birth of their babies.

So, to ease the pain, she breaks the rules. Sure, you can watch a little TV. Yes, you can have macaroni and cheese again. Maybe even a non-organic cupcake. Anything to hear a little voice say, "I wove you!"

Because that's basically what everyone wants, when you get down to it.